Friday, August 12, 2011

Newly Acquired Fears?

What is this fear that has been growing inside of me? It gets worse every night. This innate fear of everything surrounding me. I am afraid of the dark lately, I have never really been afraid of the dark until recently. And it's not even a rational fear... I am afraid when I am alone in the apartment. I am afraid that someone is walking around outside of my door, even though I triple checked to make sure I locked the doors... Deadbolt and all. I am afraid of keeping my closet open, and I am terrified of the space under my bed. I am not scared that something or someone might pop out of them, its just the fact that they are pitch black and I can't see anything. My heart starts to race, I can't think clearly, I get paranoid, I keep my headboard's light on at night so that way I can see everything that is going on. I get scared when I wake up in the morning to take my shower, what if someone breaks in while I am in there and shoots/stabs me or something? This is why I listen to my music and have it blaring on my radio while I am in there, I am sorry because it probably bugs the woman upstairs but I can't help it, I am terrified. When I am driving anymore, I worry about all the things that could go horrible today. What if I got into a horrible car accident and died; or worse, was in a coma?!?!? I don't want to be a vegetable, and then what if someone pulls the plug and there is a chance of my recovery and I die? I am not the type of person to be as scared of things as I am, and this sucks horribly because I am supposed to be the brave one out of people I talk to. I have always been the pillar of stability, what is wrong with me? Would this in any way be connected to my being depressed and lonely? Also keep in mind that I am 22 and just started developing these fears a few months ago.

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